Journal Entry: 21 May 2014: A Humane Society

I did not post yesterday. I wrote a letter to the Gadsden County Humane Society. They were sponsors of Havana Day last Saturday and I wanted to say thank you to them and offer my service as a volunteer. I may not be able to find a (paying) job, but volunteer work is easy to find.

In the letter I mentioned my cat, Avery and her cat, Alex, and how we all moved to Havana last year. We came here from Mount Vernon, Alabama in to my friend, Debra's home. We were only supposed to be here for a few months; long enough to find a job, save up some money and get out on our own. The job, I never found. We are still here. I am still looking for a work, Avery and Alex are learning to live with Debra's three cats and Hans, her chocolate Labrador, (who thinks he's a cat). I like living here, but at the same time I am struggling with shame based feelings of inadequacy. I am not lazy, I do want  to work, but at my age I am not having much luck finding anything. I keep Debra's house clean, I prepare our meals, I run errands and do what I can to help her, but is that enough?

Thank God for writing; I have this outlet to pour my grief into. I also have Havana Public Library, close by, I have books and writing to keep depression at bay. But depression has a way of creeping in and creeping up on me and providing me with many reasons to feel inadequate. I fight off the melancholy , but feel it's still there. Thank God for the VA Clinic and the Doctors and Nurses there, too. The VA provides me with the drugs I need to treat my Type II diabetes. Without that medicine, I would not need a job, I would be dead. There many other blessings I have in my life that I cannot fail to recognize. I pray a lot too and in contemplation I am made aware of  these good things in my life that I could very easily take for granted.

I have been observing the five cats I live with over the last year. Debra and I have come to a conclusion: Only two of the five are cats; Avery and Ming. Three of the five are transmigrating human souls trapped in cat bodies. Alex, Yoda and Shadow are curious little creatures who must have committed very grievous sins in their past lives and have been sentenced to cat purgatory to atone. Alex, we have come to believe was a policeman, prison guard or military commander. He has little patience with Yoda, but seems to mentor and have sympathy for Shadow. Shadow is the saddest cat I have ever known. He was Chinese, or of some other far eastern region of the world, who was woefully addicted to opium. Shadow has not adapted very well to being a cat;  he's a loner and I try to spend time alone with Shadow to let him know I Love him. Then there is Yoda; a black cat with white paws. He is white from his chin to his belly and under his nose he has a white mustache. Yoda also has a black furry heart on his chin. Yoda is the zen cat, and had to have been a burglar in his past, human, life. Yoda is a plundering cat, nothing, no drawer or closet in the house is safe from Yoda.

Rest assured, I will write more about the cats later and poor Hans, who has to be the sweetest, most loyal dog I have ever known. Peace&Love!