One Day-Day One

What is promised? Nothing, nothing and no one is promised.

I find that out everyday, I keep my eyes open and I listen to

the souls of others straining for their freedom of expression.

Some times, on certain dyas and I can't predict when-I am

unprepared for the expressions and I am floored by them.

I am floored now. I am barley able to speak or listen. I am and

have been harmed by the hidden, lost and angry expressions that

I have come by and am unable to predict. A combination of Mother's

and Father's genes and chromosomes that bind my spirit, my soul

and my body together and make me tick. Sometimes the ticking is

too loud. And like now, the ticking is barely audible. The soul in me

and my spirit are brused, battered and sore from the latest loud ticking.

I am more than humbled and scared to death of what I could do to myself.

Without some peace-I am nothing. I am powerless without my peace of mind

and when it is shattered, I fall hard in to a pit of loneliness and depression.

I am looking up from inside there now. I am possessed by loneliness and fear

and all by myself, I have to climb out of here and the climb is long-I am very,

very deep and I am counting the options and there seems to be only two.

The first and the one I lean on in times like these is prayer. I have my God.

I am leaning on our Lord and savior to save me and make me whole again.

Please, God, I pray, make me whole and give me peace and let that peace put

joy back into my life. I have only myself to blame for being in this pit, but alone

I will never find myself a way out. I have to have God. I have to put my will behind me,

His will before me and be wise and willing enough to follow. That is where I am right

now. I am not letting the second option be known although it creeps into my mind

so often that I am beginning to see some merits and embracing it's logic as it

may pertain to my life. Forgive me God, for I know it is a sin to wish death upon

oneself-I can't help myself.

I put myself here by being unaware of myself and my true feelings. I am so easily

led down into this place. I am glad to have this outlet, this ability to write.

It saves my life (to write) and puts life into a proper prospective. Thank

you so much Jesus for dying for me and saving my life so many times by giving me

this ability and this insight into my life. I am and will forever be in your debt.

Amen.

WPCannon

1421

23March2010

Mount Vernon Public Library