Any Answers?

The day began at the first tick of the clock for Saturday. Officially, that is.
It really started at five am on Friday and will last through the next several
days--I guess. I am not a good one to ask. I get used a lot. I let myself be
used, trying to please and do the right thing. I learned that it does no good
to allow oneself to be used, the users don't appreciate the efforts we as peons
make for them. They resent it, others resent it and tell themselves and others
your wrong for making such an effort, but then offer no real solutions.

I just keep on going back there until we have no more job to do and then stop.
Find another one to use me and let the cycle begin again. This library is the best
I have found to rest, relax and collect my few precious thoughts. Thank You God
for this place. I can't stand being at home. The place is a death trap. The mold is
growing and will eventually kill me. Not soon enough though. I could be there more
often to help speed the process along, but I and too sick of the place. I am a coward
too, no courage or I would have been gone a long time ago. The slow death, being eaten
alive by mold and mildew is not the way I want to die, but may be my best option.
The slow steady, seemingly natural approach is the one preferred by the wisest men
in our society. I beg to differ, but then my opinion is influenced by my lack of self-
esteem.

I was in Mobile for about an hour today. I talked to Marcy and Bob and for that time
I was able to forget about my loser self. I had what appeared to me to be an normal,
intelligent conversation with the two of them and I was so involved that i forgot to be
tired. I forgot I about my perception to the others I work here and I was so pleased
with myself. I had to get out of there and find my way back here. Back to my so called,
life. The end of the road I live on that has no good out come for me. I ought to at least
try to get away. Look for the way out, get on that track and just go. Anywhere out west.
Moab? That may be the answer...

06 February 2010
Mount Vernon Public Library