Time To Mend

I am hurting today the same way I hurt yesterday. My heart is feeling so worn and tired. I hate letting myself hurt this way and feel this way. I keep getting rejected and going right back in for more of the same. I hope someday to be able to accept my fate and give up, become what I am destined to be and forget about my life ever being shared. I have no reason to believe I will ever find the one I am most in search of. That one precious soul I can wrap my life around and feel secure in a relationship with. To have the intimacy back in my life and to share the hopes and dreams for the future with. If I am destined to be then I am and I will be and that's that. I have turned over to God my life and I am willing to try to be his humble servant. The thing is that I am still trying to venture out on my own and help myself. The good Lord knows what's best for me (to be alone) and I will not accept that. What am I thinking? Why do I refuse to accept? I try too hard to have a life and after fifty-one years I ought to know by now I am never going to have the time of my life. My life is mostly over. I need to try to write something down to have it remembered. Embrace this solitude, stop fantising and get on whit the life I have been afforded. Thank God every day and never forget to count my blessings.