Sunday Baseball

Nothing like Sunday afternoon at the ball park.

Nothing!

The South Alabama Jaguars taking on the Wichita State Shockers.

The day was brilliant. The sky was clear and so blue

it hurt mine eyes. And I almost didn't go.

I was up all night and I could have gone home after church

and gone to bed. Glad I went to the game.

The good guys got beat up pretty bad, but I am still glad I went.

The Jaguar starter had that buzzard's luck.

He couldn't kill anything and wouldn't nothing die.

The Jag's bats were quiet and when they did manage to get the bat

on the ball, they could not leg it out.

#4 White, runs like Mama Cass.

The Jags used up five pitchers in the nine inning contest

and out of the five only two looked like they knew

what they were supposed to be doing out there.

The lefty showed promise, but he can't pitch from the stretch.

Too worried about prior mistakes to take on the batters

and get them out. Immature and lacking in confidence.

In the bottom of five, blue-boy got into the game.

Left fielder for the Shockers made a brilliant play in the field.

Everyone in attendance, except the three blind boys from Alabama

saw it and were waiting for the call from the umpires. We're still

waiting. Not one of the three saw the play or were prepared

to make a call. Like I said, we're still waiting...

The Jags trotted their fourth pitcher out, a right handed, sidewinder.

He has potential too, or he did have for awhile. The shocker hitters

caught on and by their second time around, they were shelling him too.

I look for the Shockers to make the tournament. I see little improvement

over last years Jags. #29 rounded out the last of the Jag's five hurlers.

He gave up a three run homer in the top of the ninth to seal there fates.

From there the Jaguar bats refused to come alive. They show little hope.

No joy in Stankeyville tonight, the Jaguars lose and the Wichita, Shockers

Win the Classic, 15-10.

And I am still glad I went.

WPCannon

1835

28 February 2010

Mount Vernon Public Library

Saturday In the Mount Vernon Public Library

I am back here in my favorite place to be on Saturday Morning.

Or any morning. This place makes me want to read and write.

I am comfortable here and I am calm here, I meditate here.

In here I find the most peace I have ever known.

I pray everyday for everyone I know to find this same level of

peace, love and understanding. I am alone here.

There are others here, into their own level of consciousness,

but me, I am here alone. I have to be alone to be enlightened.

Maybe I am not, but I feel I am. I care about the others here,

but not while I am off. The library was turned over to me.

I didn't want it. I did not want the responsibility, but it was

thrust upon me.

I am writing in my mind a new kind way of thinking about myself.

I have been self-loathing for so long.

I am trying a new approach to thinking that will free me from my loneliness.

If and when I am free I will have forgiven myself and just accepted my

aloneness. I am along and might as well.

I need to quit trying to be anything other than alone and write.

My heart is wanting to be with another heart.

I am trying to convince myself (my poor heart) to let go.

Let God be the ward of my heart, soul and spirit.

I have never been able to say or do the right thing.

I have left myself in this predicament and I am not satisfied,

but I am convinced this is it, all I have.

I am not worthy to be with none of the other souls I have craved over the last

twenty years and so I am trying to convince myself to just be alone.

Work, write, read and be alone.

I am convinced I am right in closing myself off from the rest of the world.

I don't seem to fit. I do not send the right signals out, say, or do the right things.

I am wrong in everything I say, do and maybe even write.

I don't have any way of knowing if this is the right thing to do,

until I try.

WPCannon

1304

27 February 2010

Mount Vernon Public Library

Delta Reign at Claire's by the Creek

The place seemed more crowded than it really was.
Boy Scouts had occupied most of the house.
And I had to wait for getting there thirty minutes late.
I loved sitting in the neat old rockers on the porch.
I waited and realized I was there alone.
I ought to be used to being alone by now.
Everywhere I go and everything I do, I do alone.
I should be used to being alone by now.
I ought to learn to live alone and quit trying to change.
The good Lord has a plan for me and that plan is for me to be alone.
Alone.

I got my table for four, but I was alone.
I was right there in front of the Delta Reign duo.
Benita and Pat sounded great tonight.
They do just fine as a duo.
The rest of the band really bring out their sound,
but they do well alone.
I had a bowl of gumbo that was not that great.
I have had better, sauteed shrimp, a baked sweet potato and iced tea.
The food was just edible, nothing fancy.
The big thing at Claire's is the buffet.
I try to avoid the troughs when I can and tonight, I did.

Not a soul showed up there to see that show with me.
I never expected they would, but it would have been nice.
And even if they were there, it would have been too much for me.
Too much company.
Too many worries.
Two little boys were there tonight.
They were there with their Mama's and Daddies and they danced.
They were thrilled to be there and the music took hold of them.
They made my night watching the wide eyes staring and seeing their
little bodies moving with the music.
Leave it to babies to save the day.

WPCannon
2148
26 February 2010

The Right Thing To Do

The right thing to do is to forgive.

Forgive your friend's for poor judgments.

Accept the ones who love you.

Never forget that they are good.

The choices they make are poor.

Because they are malnourished?

Or, because they are not clearly

thinking.

I have said things I regret.

Forgive me my dear friend.

If you have read this far, be my friend

a little longer. At least until I die, then forget

about me.

Give me one more or ten more chances.

How can I know for sure?

Will you call me?

I promise not to talk about the past.

Please pick me up--call me,

dear friend.

WPCannon

1812

25 February 2010

Mount Vernon Public Library

What Is The Right Thing To Do? (Part two)

At last nights council meeting, the issue of the ordinance concerning manufactured homes was not mentioned during the meeting. That issue was not part of the agenda. The issue was addressed at the end of the meeting when citizens brought the issue up and asked why the issue was not on the agenda. The tap dance was done by the mayor, who said the council would have to wait for the planning commission to rewrite the ordinance, present it to them and then they could approve it. The ordinance would then have to go back to the commission for a public hearing. After that the ordinance would be put up for a final vote, and depending on the public input at the public hearing, the council would either vote to approve the changes to the ordinance, that would allow manufactured homes, or they would disapprove the changes and the old ordinance would stay in effect.

Nothing was done. The owners of mobile homes that are "grandfathered" in (as the mayor is calling it) are allowed to do as they please. It's the new folk, young folk and poor folk like me that can't afford a house that will be left out in the cold. We will have to move out of the town limits and we are persona's non-gratis. The town does not seem to care where we go or what we do as long as they can't see our places from theirs.

What Is The Right Thing To Do? [Part one]

In our town mobile homes are only allowed in approved mobile home sub-divisions or parks.

There are no approved mobile home subdivisions or parks in this town. A minimum of three acres is required for a mobile home park or subdivision. The South Alabama Regional Planning commission has an ordinance in effect through the town, 7.31.2, that has been in effect since 1985.

How is this ordinance fair to the people who want to live in the town and cannot afford to build their home? Is this fair? How does the state legislate what a citizen can put on lands they own?

I am out to explore how this type ordinance has evolved and what the purpose is behind it. I want to know why their are those who believe they have a right to legislate by decree. I may be in the same boat as so many at the planning commission meeting I attended last night. I was thinking of buying a lot in town and maybe putting a manufactured home on it. I am not a wealthy man. I am one of the working poor and i am so poor in fact, that i am not convinced I could even afford a single-wide.

What I find on this journey will be enlightening to me and ought to be to anyone who is interested in the human condition. How the poor in this country are both depended upon and at the same time discriminated against. Where do local governments who are run by the well to do--because they have the education, available time and ability--put the wants of the few ahead of the needs of the many. Do the poor have themselves to blame? Are we being misrepresented by our poor brothers and sisters? Am I a part of the problem?

I hope to both enlighten others and enlighten myself in talking to some of the friends and foes I meet along the way.

Alice Pearl

Another old friend is gone. 72 years into her life--gone.
Alice Pearl was the mother of old friends.
A registered nurse, she believed in keeping her house clean.
Spotless is how she liked it kept.
Alice Pearl never allowed anyone in with their shoes on.
She did not want to come home from a long day at the mental hospital
and have to clean house.
Only her family was allowed in at all.
And then only after shedding their footwear.
Friends of the family stayed out--but that was alright.
Once you know your place--we knew our place.
Keeping us out seemed strange to my mother.
She could not understand the reasoning.
But, I did.
I understood then, the way I understand now.
I am a very private person.
I don't like having my privacy invaded--
I do not like invading the privacy of others.

I have not seen Alice Pearl in years.
The last time was when her husband was running for mayor.
They hosted a reception for supporters at their home.
I don't remember going into the house.
The reception was held on a patio, around a pool.
That's where we all stayed, listening to the band.
I did not see a soul go in, or come out, with or without shoes.
I was paying attention.
Alice Pearl was there though,
but now she is gone.
To a place where there are no dirty shoes or feet.

WPCannon
1803
19 February 2010
Mount Vernon Public Library

Ash Wednesday

The day was too crowded with unexplainable interruption.

Too much who dun-nit, finger pointing and commotion took

place in my day. I wanted it quiet. No escape-and one went

missing. No confusion-and today everyone was either lost or on

their way to get lost. And fully prepared to blame it all on me.

I had my heart set on church at St Cecilia at 430, but no relief

at four, or 430 ruled that out. I had hoped for mass to

put the day to rest and the confusion grew stronger at about

that time. The callers got louder and the lost souls, began to

to lose their way. Further and further in to the

darkness they strolled. And in their feeble minds, I was to

blame. And then relief showed up. We talked and decided that no

matter what I was going get the blame. I am the scape goat

and as I was turning the pall over to her, we agreed that we were both

very tired and too tired to care.

The good news came in the form of another Catholic who said to me,

"Saint Theresa was having mass at six." I was relieved. I had been looking for

an excuse to attend there, only five minutes away, now I was blessed

in the form of a cleaning lady's daughter. There to help her mother I complained

to her of my lost ashes and she blessed with with knowledge. I needed to be

blessed. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. I am the sitting with Father's thumb print--

dipped in the ashes of last year's palms smeared across my forehead. I am still

desperately sad, but somewhat more contented. The devil was surely after

me today, I have such little patience, but I managed to escape for a time to find a

simple blessing. Thank you Jesus, thank you Lord.

Saint Theresa is a beautiful sanctuary. I am so very glad I finely set foot in there.

Thank you Lord for leading me there the way you did with such a blessing. I never

want to forget to thank for these, though I often have. I ask that you slow me down

Lord and make me more aware. The turn out for the ashes was very good.

Father was pleased and said so before he bestowed his final blessing. The Divine

praises were certainly in order to end mass. Saint Theresa plays host to a more

lively bunch that I have ever seen at Saint Cecilia. I am looking forward to more masses

there. The children were wound up and very expressive. I was sitting behind on little

man who had toy guns in church and wanting his BA-BA! Not at all shy about wanting

the BA-BA, either. He was such a precious little man and a handful for his mama to quiet.

I was blessed today. Despite all of the hullabaloo surrounding me and the lost souls I encountered, I was doubly blessed. I don't understand how or why people are the way they

are and I don't really think I ever will, but I do know a blessing when I see one and I do

know, without a doubt, I was blessed today. I was blessed.

WPCannon

Ash Wednesday, 2010

Mount Vernon Public Library

Fat Tuesday

Every day is fat Tuesday when you are like me--fat! Today's just another Tuesday to me.

Us fat boys don't like being reminded of being fat, but not me. I'm ok with it. I have been

fat all my life. I saw the first light of day weighing in at well over eight pounds, and I have

been putting on the pounds ever since. I like to eat. That's one thing I am good at. I hope

and I pray to find another thing I can do. And not be such a drain on the

resources of the world. I would love to give something back one of these days.

I am too dumb, too slow and too lazy. I'm not about to stretch myself too thin to go the extra

mile. I would like to put down a few words that have some meaning for someone. I don't see

that happening. I'm too lonesome, too lonely and too afraid to do it. I must not be any good at it either. I can't get a grip on anything to write about. I do have a story I started, but I'm not going back to it and working on it. I am too busy reading other author's work and gauging my ability; my writing, by their work. That is wrong on so many different levels, I know it and yet, I can't keep myself from doing it.

One of these days I might go back to writing--I have a few essays, a few poems and a few letters. I doubt they will ever amount to much of a collection. That's all I have and I am trying to get more together--every day I do write. My journals ought to provide some insight to someone. When I am gone I want to leave them, along with my corpse, to a medical school and have only young doctors who are in love and who are poets--cut me up and pass me around. And when they are through with me--or maybe if they happen to take a break in between my knees and my kidneys--they could take out those journals and read about some of the things their corpse du jour used to think and write about. And maybe at that, I could teach them more than they had bargained for that day. So, let me remember to put those journals in with the body, or what's left of it--and let them know that when they are through with the body and the papers, to just burn it all and stir the ashes.

I was going to leave my journals to a friend--a writer friend, but she's mad at me right now for falling in love. It was not enough that I was already in love with her--she had to have it all.

All of me or none of me--and while I can and do appreciate where she's coming from, I can't agree with her logic. We all ought to go out of our way--I think--to find as much love as the world has to give and baste our souls and spirits in it. What better muse is there than love and broken hearts.

WPCannon

16 February 2010

Mardi Gras

Mount Vernon Public Library

First Sign of Spring

A real live ball game will be going on tomorrow on the UM campus in Prichard, Alabama.
I do like baseball and the hardballs flying are a sure sign of spring. None of my close friends are talking to me any more. One is mad-and I don't know why. One is mad and I thought I knew why, but now I'm not sure.

That being alone deal is a drag. I like people and not having anyone to talk to makes me think too much and dwell on why that is. I just want to have normal conversations with people, not just the ones I work with--all of the people I know--a normal conversation.

I am beginning to believe it's me. I just want to watch some ball. And write about what I saw.

WPCannon
15 February 2010
Mount Vernon Public Library

Fat Monday--Just North of Mardi Gras

I have been too hard on myself and everyone else in these post.
I was trying to work through my wounded heart and the love I
have not found; though my many tries. That's over (for a while),
I resolve to find more pleasant task to occupy my mind and to write
about. I will post thoughts here and essays here and more, bad poetry
here. These things all about where I am, where I live and about where
I hope to be one of these days.

Tuesday, I hope to be in Mobile for the Mardi Gras. Why? I have not
been in Mobile of Fat Tuesday in Nearly forty years. I was a child and
with my parents then. I want to see the mayhem that is the mardi gras
on my own, take it in and write about my impressions of it. The only way
to have that impression is to be there. I had hoped to share the experience
with a Friend or two, but they are staying away. Too much excitement and
too many opportunities for disaster there on the streets of mardi gras. I
have my own doubts about going alone, but I am planing on doing it early
and getting well away before the fall of night. Hope for the best and see
for myself what the hoopla is all about. Don't be surprised though, if I
chicken out before the time is at hand.

Maybe I will go down there on Fat Monday instead. How much different
can there be between the two days? I will have to see. Fat Monday's very
wet so far, while Fat Tuesday is at least looking clear.

Please call me Francie and let me go and be there with you. i know you
never will. I know I am not of your world and have no place there with you.

WPCannon
15 February 2010
0315, Fat Monday
Mount Vernon, Alabama

Hearts

This is the day before the lonely day for me. I have no lover and no lover for so long.
I have tried to forget what love feels like and then I meet someone. I fall in love too
easy. I am in love now, but I never hear a word from her. She is another's lover and
I am out---in the cold.

I will begin this night's vigil with the first tick of the clock. I am so old fashion and I don't
mind the midnight watch. I am lonely that way and those post are made for lonely people.
I don't know if I will be alone for the rest of my life. I expect I will and I expect the ones I
love will always belong to someone else.

It is not fair for me to do this. To write this and pity myself the way I do. I am being unfair
to myself and other potential lovers that are out there, lonely too and waiting for a love to
find their lonely hearts. I hope I do find a good one some day, a good heart, a soul and spirit to match my own. I am still trying. When I get over the one I am hurting for right now. If this old
heart is not to wounded to take on another challenge. I will be blessed if I find a love and she will be blessed too.

My Prayer to Find my Heart a Home:

Dear Lord, give me a place to be. A good heart, a good home and a peaceful place to live out my life with the love of a good and careing soul. Lord, I ask your help in finding a woman, a partner
who cares enough to nurture in me and I in her the needs we have and were born to fullfill in one another. Lord, you have the plan and if it is your plan that I find one, before I die, to share my life, make it soon. My heart is wounded and tired, please hurry before I give up, give out and die.

Amen.

WPCannon
13 February 2010
Mount Vernon Public Library

Haitian Poem ( A Simple Drink of Water)

"If the foreigners don't come, we'll have to wait for baby Jesus"

--75 year old Haitian Woman

She is on guard

with her broken hip

waiving her cane at the looters.

She is scaring them away

From old folks she is protecting.

They have been out of water for days she says and

The only thing they can think to pray for is water--

A simple drink of water.

I am ashamed of my thirst.

Ashamed I have asked her to speak.

When all she has to say, or ask of me

Is for a drink of water.

I say, I don't know

The water is coming--the water is here

At the airport and the look she gives me

Makes me ashamed all over again.

The foreigners coming to help

Have plenty of water

And all of these poor people

Can think to pray for is

A simple drink of water

She waves her cane

As if to say go--go away

And let them know

We need water here!

Return when our prayers are answered.

The water, piled up at the airport

Is handed out--

A mountain of water with

more on the way.

We have to get this into the town--I say

To the Marine in charge of the distribution

They'll have to come here--I am told

Our orders are to distribute

from here

until the roads are clear.

But, take as much as you want sir--

help yourself to

A simple drink of water

Twenty cases--all I can take

back to that alley

back to those poor people

back to that old grandmother

swinging her cane.

Every bottle was absorbed

as soon as they landed there.

How could the old grandmother hoard a single bottle?

How could she deny even the looters--

A simple drink of water?

WPCannon

19 January 2010

Mount Vernon, Alabama

The Funny Thing About Love

The funny thing about loving her

was not funny at all.

There was no humor in her rejection.

I never heard her speak to me on her own.

We never met over coffee, had supper or even lunch.

Nothing together-ever.

She may have found humor in that, but not I.

The funny thing is how I refuse to forget about her

and move on.

WPCannon

07 February 2010

0546

Never Ending Shame

Of Myself.

My low self esteem.

I can't love myself.

Would or could anyone?

Not likely.

I am bound by my own low

blow to be alone.

The best thing that could happen to me is the end of this

sorry excuse for my life.

I ruined it all on my very own.

I can't say a thing about anyone else,

that is not true about my self.

Give me a break,

leave me alone,

you know you don't mean it.

I know this is the truth because

I am crying for myself

While I write it.

I am so alone.

So alone.

Alone.

Alone.

WPCannon

09 February 2010

1356

Mount Vernon Public Library

A Morning After Victory Celebration

The Saints defeated the Colts for the forty-forth Super Bowl Title in Miami last night. I am taking some of the credit for their victory. I conspired with my friend to insure their victory. We worked together for the Alabama Crimson Tide to provide them with their undefeated season and BCS Championship victory against Texas last month, a month ago to the day, to be exact. I say we conspired because it seems, we have a mythical power between us. We don't have to be together--just text mesages back and forth and the team we are pulling for has won the games we are watching seperatly. Strange but true. Of course it could be purely coincidental.



All I do some days is think about her. I try to call and text her and I rarely get a responce. She is not into me at all. We used to work together. I am in crazy love with her and she's purely indifferent as to me and my affection. I am incapable of moving on or look for someone else to love. She is all I want out of this life. And I can't have her. That to me is the crulest irony life is capable of bestowing upon a soul. To have a simple connection like the one we have and not the ability to consecrate the relationship is crule irony and so far I refuse to accept my fate. I am not willing to let her have her way and move on. My tired old heart will soon give out for the lack of returned affection. The lonliness is too much to bear.



My turns to moderate the affection have gone unheard by my poor tired heart. I am not willing to give up. I never see her and only hear from her often enough to keep this faint hope alive. I was shocked when she text back last night. She was betting on the Colts, not believing the Saints has the stuff to convert their first Super Bowl into the Lombardi, but she under estimated our mojo. She's pretty smart, but may have convinced herself by now that I am to blame for the bet she lost. It's not my fault, but I am prepared to accept my part of the credit for the Saints' victory.



I have text her twice since I started this post and she is ignoring me. She hates me--I am convinced of that. She resents ugly people that fall in love with her. I think that's the way pretty people are. They don't mind being courted by other beautiful people, but don't a ugly one dare try to feel an affection. That's taboo. I am sorry dear friend, I really just wanted to be your soul mate and feel our two hearts together as one. I am so hoplessly in love.



God, thank you for finding the sweet spirit she has shown me. I am in love with her now, but I know she deserves better than me. I am willing to, when you say it is time Lord, let her fade away into my past and become another painful memory. One more piece of my heart is about to die. I prayed hard to you for her Lord. I ask that you always look over her and know that I had honorable ideas about taking care for the rest of my life; loving her and caring for her. You know Lord that I am not equipped to have the care of another spirit. I am barely able to care for my own. I am your humble servant and I am doing my best Lord to let this pretty woman be. She is my heart now and I am barely able to do a thing without seeing her in my life. Will this sadness ever leave me? Will I forever bear this heavy heart?



Amen.



WPCannon

1432

08 February 2010

Mount Vernon Public Library

Any Answers?

The day began at the first tick of the clock for Saturday. Officially, that is.
It really started at five am on Friday and will last through the next several
days--I guess. I am not a good one to ask. I get used a lot. I let myself be
used, trying to please and do the right thing. I learned that it does no good
to allow oneself to be used, the users don't appreciate the efforts we as peons
make for them. They resent it, others resent it and tell themselves and others
your wrong for making such an effort, but then offer no real solutions.

I just keep on going back there until we have no more job to do and then stop.
Find another one to use me and let the cycle begin again. This library is the best
I have found to rest, relax and collect my few precious thoughts. Thank You God
for this place. I can't stand being at home. The place is a death trap. The mold is
growing and will eventually kill me. Not soon enough though. I could be there more
often to help speed the process along, but I and too sick of the place. I am a coward
too, no courage or I would have been gone a long time ago. The slow death, being eaten
alive by mold and mildew is not the way I want to die, but may be my best option.
The slow steady, seemingly natural approach is the one preferred by the wisest men
in our society. I beg to differ, but then my opinion is influenced by my lack of self-
esteem.

I was in Mobile for about an hour today. I talked to Marcy and Bob and for that time
I was able to forget about my loser self. I had what appeared to me to be an normal,
intelligent conversation with the two of them and I was so involved that i forgot to be
tired. I forgot I about my perception to the others I work here and I was so pleased
with myself. I had to get out of there and find my way back here. Back to my so called,
life. The end of the road I live on that has no good out come for me. I ought to at least
try to get away. Look for the way out, get on that track and just go. Anywhere out west.
Moab? That may be the answer...

06 February 2010
Mount Vernon Public Library

Friday Night In A Small Town

I am not going out, or staying in. All I want to do is write.
I like to read too. I have to confess, I am reading, though
about writing. Natalie Goldberg is my new guru, thanks to
Marcy. She got me started with "Writing down the Bones"
and now, I am on to "Long Quiet Highway: Growing Up In
America". I am getting so much from her teaching. Getting
into a more zen place in life. Learning to write with every cell
in my body. Every cell, all in tune, all pointing in the right
direction--toward the same goal. This library is a good place
to write, when it's closed. Too much conflict in the place when
the librarian is here. They use the place for a forum to air their
dirty laundry and grievances against their children, family and
one another. Too much tension and stress to greet the casual
user. We are not all here to cause conflict and raise a fuss. I would
like to see a quiet place for the ones who are more inclined to listen
to their own minds. Not the minds that are on the brink of destruction
and bound for some sort of feeble attempt at solitude.
They cannot be quiet and I am not about to exacerbate the situation
by weighing in. The cause is not worth the effect. I am so tired of the
conflict in this sorry excuse for a life. I want peace and to be without the
conflict associated with people. I will put up with the ones who will put
up with me and that's it. I am to focused on solitude and loneliness.
Solitude is all I crave. I am tired and all i really want to do is write this
BOOK:

WPCannon
05 February 2010
Mount Vernon Public Library

Soul and Spirit

Today was kind of long. May have been because I am so tired.

Too many days in a row will kill the spirit and the soul suffers too.

I would rather have a little better, less harried life, but that's not in the cards.

I got to call a friend today--a new friend--one I have never heard of before today.

We talked about genealogy and people long dead that we may or may not be related to.

I'm not related to her and she's not to me, but we are related in the sense that we are interested

in our pasts.

I hope to meet her some day and plunder a cemetery or two with her.

We'll talk and teach one another a thing or two about our selves.

Learning is the key. It will not save your life, but make it more interesting.

And i heard from another one today and it made me think back.

About how I miss her and wish I was not as lonely.

She sent me a virtual hug and while I think that's nice--I need a real one too.

I need to feel another heart right next to mine. A heart that cares and really wants to be there.

Not a heart that feels obliged to feel.

Not one the saints have not placed there for me to Love.

And she left me broken and shattered once again.

Same way she has done so many times before. I am so hurt, so tired from the turning away they do.

I am so tired and I still can't sleep.

WPCannon

03 February 2010

1916

Mount Vernon Public Library

Ground Hogs

The Ground Hogs found me and crushed my spirit the way they often do this time of year.

These last two years, my tax burden has been too much to handle. I got the bad news today.

I owe, I owe more. Sux!

I was feeling good too. Ready to show a little skin on the pier and pick up a few rays. Work on this tan and absorb a little vitamin D for the soul, but NO! The IR"fuckin"S had to cloud up and rain all over my happy ass...I am so tired of the man taking it out on a guy like me!

I have to talk to the accountant now and beg for more of her sage advice and find out why I am still getting hammered by the IR"F'in"S!

I feel so bad about yesterday's post.

I hope she didn't see it, but it's the truth, so I'm not pulling it.

What I have to say, I am going to just go ahead and say.

I'm not pulling anything once it has been published.

Let it ride!

They all hate me anyway.

I just wanted some intimacy back in my life and I wanted it with her, but she was dead set against that idea and hooked up with a looser.

That's cool though.

I will survive. I always have before.

Thanks Debra...You too!

Right back at ya!

You mean old lady!

You taught me to weep and moan!

Who is Pastor Leo and why is he trying to get me into some cult on the facebook?

What is the zyster movement?

I'll bet it somehow involves me sending him money!

The God i worship's not running short of cash!

Sorry Pastor; find another sucker.

WPCannon

02 February 2010

Ground Hog day

Mount Vernon Public Library

Time To Mend

I am hurting today the same way I hurt yesterday. My heart is feeling so worn and tired. I hate letting myself hurt this way and feel this way. I keep getting rejected and going right back in for more of the same. I hope someday to be able to accept my fate and give up, become what I am destined to be and forget about my life ever being shared. I have no reason to believe I will ever find the one I am most in search of. That one precious soul I can wrap my life around and feel secure in a relationship with. To have the intimacy back in my life and to share the hopes and dreams for the future with. If I am destined to be then I am and I will be and that's that. I have turned over to God my life and I am willing to try to be his humble servant. The thing is that I am still trying to venture out on my own and help myself. The good Lord knows what's best for me (to be alone) and I will not accept that. What am I thinking? Why do I refuse to accept? I try too hard to have a life and after fifty-one years I ought to know by now I am never going to have the time of my life. My life is mostly over. I need to try to write something down to have it remembered. Embrace this solitude, stop fantising and get on whit the life I have been afforded. Thank God every day and never forget to count my blessings.

To Be Alone

Cold shoulders
Leave me shivering
Leave my heart so--
All alone.
She does this to me
On purpose--
To turn me off and away
From Her
I'm not this enough
Or that enough
But, I knew that already.
What made me think she was
Any different?
We are all just alike.
Searching for him or her,
The ones I want,
Can't stand me--
Everyone, everytime
By now I should have learned
And no amount of trying to be or do,
Will change that way
That way I am or that way I look
The sad part is I am
The same way!
I heard her say Joe's ugly
That's when I knew--
And uses tobacco
And to me that means no way!
She has a husband too
And a lover!
That leaves me way out and
A sinner to boot!
Thank God!
She's been doing me a favor
I'll do her one right back
By leaving her
Alone!
(Well not alone,
She has her other men
And all of those lies she tells)

WPCannon
1453
01 February 2010
Mount Vernon Public Library